I could have told you that.

Well, color me surprised. A new study out this month proves that a kid’s whine is actually the most annoying sound in the world.

No shit.

Seriously, I hope this study didn’t cost money, because to me, this is the biggest no-brainer on the planet. And while you don’t have to be a parent to agree that whining is absolutely vile, I have to say that since becoming a mom (and especially a mom of a toddler/preschooler), it has become Public Enemy No. 1.

Crying and tantrums don’t phase me. If I hear another child crying in the store, for example, I immediately feel my nurturing instincts kick in. If I see another child having a tantrum over something, I basically just give the mom a look that says “Been there! Kids suck!” and carry on my way. Same with my own kids. If Declan is truly angry at something and throwing a fit (like he did at the store Sunday in the entryway in front of everyone, thanks honey), I just ignore him til he’s done. It is very easy for me to keep my cool when he’s acting like a lunatic. Mainly because I know that when he’s in the middle of a meltdown, I could offer him a pony covered in ice cream, and he wouldn’t give in. So I just let go and let it happen. But whining? No. No, no, no. I cannot tolerate it for one second.

Whining to me is just plain old greed. It’s the International Language of Spoiled Brat. Because no one whines for something they truly need, like water when you are really thirsty. You whine when someone brings you water but you wanted a coke/a beer/a sippy cup of apple juice. You whine when you are given an inch but want the mile. You whine when 2 episodes of Dora aren’t enough (it’s enough. It’s always enough). Whining makes me angry. Whining makes me want to scream profanities at my child, or take him to a homeless shelter or Holocaust Musuem to say “YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT IT BAD??? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW!” But that would be an overreaction to a 3 year old’s wish for chips instead of carrots.

So yes, had I been a participant in this study, which should be under review by the Geneva Convention because they had to listen to whining, buzz saws and baby talk WHILE DOING MATH, I would have lost my mind. I may have even done some whining.