I am THAT mom

Happy Halloween Ghouls and Ghosts! Does everyone have their house properly decorated and all their spooky crafts all finished up? Yea, me either.

I did successfully carve 3 pumpkins that look like Snoopy, Woodstock and Charlie Brown, and I didn’t lose a thumb, so that’s a plus.

Anyboo, Declan has his school Halloween party tomorrow, and I’m super excited for him. It will be so cute to see him and all his school buddies all decked out and high on sugar before getting all decked out and getting high on sugar again that night. Awesome.

So since this is his first class party, I wasn’t sure what was expected of us moms. Since we all know I like to Aim Low, I was hoping the expectations weren’t great. Paul has been taking Declan to school most mornings (see how lame I am? I don’t even take my kid to school. Pitiful.), and a few days ago, he called me from outside Declan’s room to see if we should sign up to bring some things. The conversation went like this:

Paul: What should I sign us up to bring to the party?

Me: What are the choices?

Paul: Chips and dip, candy or decorated cookies.

Me: Duh. Not anything decorated. Chips and candy.

Paul: Two things? No one else is signed up for two things. Do we want to be THOSE parents?

Me: Yes. I’m buying their love, not earning it.

So reluctantly, Paul signed us up for the French Onion and Kit Kat Brigade. I’m so ok with being the mom that brings two things to the party, because I’m NEVER going to be the mom that brings beautiful homemade treats, trust me. Paper plates and Ruffles and juice boxes are much more up my alley.

So last week, I got my lazy butt up in time to take Declan to school, and while dropping  him off, I snagged one of his teachers to get the deets on this shindig. While talking to her about the party, I realized that not only am I THAT mom that doesn’t bring crafty snacks (and seriously, I commend those of you that do. I would be on crystal meth if I tried to do what you do. Kudos.), I am THAT mom that doesn’t hang for the party.

Me: So when do you need the snacks? Monday? Do I need to stay or anything?

Sweet Teacher: Of course you can stay! We love when the moms stay!

Me: Oh, um, yea, no, I wasn’t going to … the baby… plans … um, gotta go..

Look, I’m sure the party is going to be great and all, but what is this trend with parents having to mill around at these things? Birthday parties and class events are all overflowing with adults. Why? I don’t remember it being that way when I was a kid. Maybe it was and I blocked it, I don’t know. But honestly, it’s dumb. I’ve fallen victim to the trend of throwing parties for Declan, and really, it’s stupid. He would be just as happy if I let him run around Lowe’s and climb on the lawn mowers and then got him a cookie from the Kroger bakery as he would at a $250 bounce house party with 10 friends and 20 adults. And if I’m paying that kind of money to entertain my kid and yours, why do I then have to have enough food and drinks for the grown ups, too? You know you don’t want cheese pizza and a Capri Sun, yet I serve it to you on a Thomas the Tank plate and worry that you’ll judge me for not having a clown or a pony there.

This needs to stop.

So here’s my idea: No big parties til they start school. Then, they can invite like 5 friends over for pizza or hot dogs or whatever. No adults invited. Drop your kid off and go on a date, for Pete’s sake. Then come and get your kid, who is fed and exhausted from running around, take them home and put them to bed. Oh, and no goodie bags filled with cheap plastic crap, k? If we all agree to this, think about how many kids-free nights we’d get! Let’s take back our social lives, parents, and let the kids have their own. I’m sick of eating cold pizza on paper plates and pretending I enjoy watching random kids jump on a Dora blow-up mattress. I don’t. So next birthday party, let’s ditch the kids, hightail it to the nearest restaurant without a play area and have a party of our own, deal?

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “I am THAT mom

  1. LTJ

    I feel honored I kinda sorta helped inspire this. Love your plan for parties!

  2. I am that mom, too. Parents are “invited” to stay at the kids’ party? Well, thank you. You are officially “invited” to sit in for me at my next gynecological appointment.

  3. Christi Wampler

    Andrea, I love you. Exactly.

  4. I just went to a party w/ Joseph. At a zoo (not THE zoo, a zoo). All the mommies and daddies were there. None of us had anything to say to each other, and the kids ended up sitting w/ their families instead of playing w/ each other. If I were a kid, I would’ve been like: you can go now. Be here at 3. Thanks. 🙂
    I see parents of my HS students who STILL can’t let go & I wonder, when does it become irreversable?

  5. Chelsea

    Ok see I was thinking it was because they are little that the parents all have to “go” and “participate” at the parties nowadays. Are you telling me it isn’t going to magically end in Kindergarten and I can finally just drop her off at a party and go enjoy myself with a pedicure??! And PS: I did make treats for the preschool party (cake pops) BUT in my defense it was so that A) I would not feel guilty about high tailing it out of there before a parade started and B) because one box of cake mix makes 48 pops…she only needed 17 for school. Yum!

  6. amen! Some friends of ours handed out invitations to their sons 6th birthday party the last time we were all together… It was a costume party for the adults (what?!) and they even invited their friends without kids(!). Apparently a kids birthday is just another reason for the adults to all get together and drink.

  7. Christi Wampler

    I fully support any party that involves cocktails. And if you are going to have adults linger at your kids’ party, make it a PARTAY! Do it up. But to just expect 30 adults to stand around drinking juice boxes and eating Dora cupcakes is LAME. I’ve hosted that party and attended that party. Next time, I’m bringing a flask.

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